You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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