dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
