ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
