He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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