The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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