I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
