She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
