what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
