I should be sponsored by Trojan
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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