DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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