alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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