I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
