Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
