she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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