Already got asked if we're dating
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
