After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
