Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
