how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
