The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
