literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
a search helicopter?!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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