The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
