so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
