I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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