he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
