my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
