Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
