i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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