A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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