he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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