I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
