I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
