u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When did angry sex become our thing?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Come share oat with me in your robe
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
