I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
