oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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