her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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