so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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