I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
