We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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