my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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