when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I will be naked everywhere
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
