You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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