You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
