He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
