There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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