Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
