I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
