i jhust puked up my retainher.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
