I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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