Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
