Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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