I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
